Couples
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a solid, humanistic, systemic approach well established in the world of psychotherapy, formulated in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson. It was developed in tandem with the science of adult attachment: a profound theory of personality development, emotional regulation, and intimate relationships. This science has remarkably expanded our understanding of individual health and well-being, as well as the nature of romantic relationships and family bonds.
Attachment is the very essence of life
EFT begins by recognising that people are intrinsically social, and that we are biologically programmed to create and maintain strong emotional bonds with our partner and loved ones to ensure our survival. In terms of relationships, this means recognising that you are attached to your partner and rely on your partner and family members to thrive fully and to mitigate stress from life’s challenges. At its core, every human being desires a positive answer to the question: “Are you there for me?”
Understanding Relational Strategies
Couples use a wide range of relational strategies to deal with the “dangers” of the relationship. There are two main types of strategies to restore balance when a person feels threatened:
• Some people tend toward withdrawal behaviours: ranging from pulling away, shutting down, freezing, pushing away feelings, hiding, distancing, minimising the problem, trying to rationalise and resolve things positively, responding to conversations with intellectual rather than emotionally attuned language, or escaping into the internet or overworking.
These behaviours are always an attempt to restore safety, and are usually the best possible attempt to reconnect with one’s partner. What I try to do together with you is help you understand how each partner contributes to and participates in that ongoing negative pattern, where you co-create insecurity, disappointment, tension, and distance for both of you. After that, I will help you translate these behaviours into messages that each partner can understand, and above all, shape a positive, secure, and loving bond.
How does couples therapy work?
When a couple first enters therapy, my focus is on helping the two partners identify what is known as the“negative cycle”. This is a particular interaction that has often become so habitual between the two partners that the triggers (what sets it off) are subliminal.After exploration, we move from blaming one another as the cause of the problem, to deepening the underlying vulnerable emotions, which often crystallise and are reinforced by specific patterns of interaction. Only then can we move to the resources the couple possesses to face the crisis by modifying the “emotional music of the dance” and learn to maintain their cohesion and emotional attunement.
• Lack of sex or intimacy
• Recovery from infidelity
• Negativity, blaming, or criticising a partner’s behaviours
• Emotional closure, withdrawal, distance between partners
• Deciding whether to marry or not
• Navigating a trial separation
• Managing the new role of becoming parents
• Marriage counselling for trauma survivors
Every couple will receive an intervention based on their individual needs, but a typical consultation begins with 2–3 joint sessions to explore the reasons that led you to seek counselling or therapy. This is followed by 2 individual sessions with each partner for a more detailed assessment, and the process concludes with a joint feedback session in which a shared therapeutic plan is proposed.
As an Emotionally Focused therapist, I will create an environment of safety and attentiveness in which each partner can be heard, understood, and validated. When individual concerns are raised, I will suggest new ways that will allow you to better understand each other and recognise the underlying emotions that fuel the negative patterns.
Over time you will learn to communicate more openly and to ask for your needs to be met in a healthy way. As we progress through Emotionally Focused Therapy, communication will continue to improve and healthy interactions between you will become routine. These positive interactions create a stronger, more secure and fulfilling bond, and the deep wounds that have embittered your relationship can finally begin to heal. I will continue to help you be open and honest about your own emotions and needs until together we establish that you feel comfortable and confident with the new skills you have acquired and decide to end the sessions.
• Do your arguments tend to go round in circles and never get resolved?
• Does one of you withdraw or leave while the other is trying to open a discussion?
• Are you wondering where your intimacy has gone?
• Do you feel you are not truly understood and that you are not important to your partner?
• Are you constantly arguing in a critical/defensive way?
• Do you feel trapped in a dance of negative interactions?
• Do you feel unable to find a way to get your loving relationship back?
• Do you withdraw, feel undervalued, and not speak for days?
• Do you think your partner is not there for you when you need them?
If you answer yes to even just some of these questions, you are probably trapped inside a negative cycle and this is preventing you from living your relationship with serenity and closeness. Embarking on a journey together will help you effectively resolve these “relational knots”.
With great passion and ongoing training, I work with:
- Attachment wounds and betrayal
- Sexual problems
- Intimate partner violence
- Parenting journey and infertility
Intensive EFT Couples Therapy
Intensive EFT couples therapy is an immersive, short‑term format where you and your partner work deeply on your relationship over a few concentrated days or extended meetings, instead of many bi‑weekly sessions.
Certifications
